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In anticipation of Titan 2312

February 20, 2010

Welcome to our exclusive guide to the Olympic Games of 2312! This year’s Games are the first to be held in the outer system, moving all the way out to the orbit of Saturn, where the Titanian capital of New Moscow will be hosting the opening and closing ceremonies. The venues are scattered across six of Saturn’s moons and two custom-built stadium habitats.

European hopes for this Games rest largely on the triumphant 0-g gymnastics squad, fresh from victory at the Lunar Cup, and the up-and-coming crew of the solar yacht Excelsior, who placed well in the qualifying rounds and are hungry for medals.

The cyborg events, new for these Games, are likely to be dominated by the young blood from New Japan and the Martian colonies, with the ReUSA also hoping to be in medal contention. Our team of commentators will be paying special attention to the new events, so tune in to us on the second day to watch these (literal!) heavyweights swinging into action.

Finally, keep an eye out for the railgun luge, where two-time gold medallist Mo Marsh has come out of retirement to try for one last first in the female-bodied event. The veteran Oceanian has been off the track for two years, and rumour has it that xe isn’t happy with the outer-system domination at the last two championships.

See below for events likely to be highlights, or with good prospects for the European team. Tune in from twelve p.m. tomorrow, Earth local, for the opening ceremony of what promises to be the most spectacular Games yet!

Events to watch out for

  • Low-gravity ski jump

Competitors in the low-g wear reinforced tethers to make sure nobody accidentally zooms off into space. It’s unlikely, but possible – escape velocity on the tiny moons of Saturn is very low.

  • Tetrathlon

Run, swim, cycle … and spacewalk. Competitors in the tetrathlon must have consummate skill as well as massive endurance, as they run, swim and cycle through a specially adapted orbital habitat, before spacewalking the last section of the race across its outside.

  • Zero-g gymnastics

Points for technical flair, style, and not bumping into the walls. Imagine synchronised swimming – the same sort of floaty movement – only without the water, and you’re there.

European contenders: The triumphant mixed eight, fresh from a first place at the Lunar Cup and eager to repeat the feat.

  • Low-gravity weightlifting

Unaugmented people can’t actually lift much more real weight than they could three hundred years ago. On the other hand, the dumbbells required to make up that weight will be enormous in Titan’s low gravity, making the competitors look as if they’re lifting houses.

  • Rocket-powered high jump

Not for the faint of heart, the rocket jump does exactly what it says on the tin: competitors augment their natural jumping skills with a (hopefully) well-timed rocket boost.

European contender: Jerzy Giannini, last year’s intercontinental youth champion and a rising (no pun intended) star.

  • Solar yachting

Amazingly, the birth of this sport was predicted over three centuries ago, in the antique short story “The Wind from the Sun” by twentieth-century writer Arthur C. Clarke. Single-rider spacecraft powered by solar sails race their way around Saturn, weaving between moons and dodging debris in the race to be first home.

European contenders: The crew of the Excelsior, who put in a stunning performance in qualifying to claim an unexpected spot in the finals.

  • Mech / Cyborg boxing

The difference in title depends on whether the player is just wearing the metal or whether it’s built in. Either way, these Games see the introduction of a new class of fisticuffs designed for people weighing anything between one and five tons. Sparks will fly.

  • Mech-variant / Cyborg-variant martial arts

Where the boxing events showcase the strength and punishing force of the cybernetic elite, the martial arts competition is dominated by those whose augmentations push their speed and dexterity far beyond normal human boundaries. It’s the only sport in human history that you have to watch in slow motion – those of us without robotic reflexes simply can’t keep up.

European contender: Elise O’Donovan, Europe’s first female black belt in cyborg-variant tae kwon do. She’s known on the tour circuit as the Queen of Steel, and when you see her competition plating you’ll see why.

  • Railgun luge

Sixty years ago, some demented engineer came up with the terrifying possibility of a version of luge even faster and more lethal than the existing, ice-based one. The railgun incarnation sees riders climb into tight acceleration coffins, packed with oxygenated gel to stop their lungs collapsing, and be fired onto the curving track at eye-bleeding speed.

* * *

So there you have it – an all-too-brief rundown of some of the likely high points of this ground-breaking Games. We’ll be suiting up and dropping in from noon (Earth local) tomorrow, and we’d be delighted to have you along for the ride!

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Paul permalink
    February 22, 2010 10:52 pm

    I see you discovered Acid then.

  2. wickedday permalink
    February 23, 2010 1:11 pm

    Nah, I just get weird ideas late at night.

    Also, Arthur C. Clarke did at least two of these first (solar yachting in “The Wind from the Sun” and low-gravity ski-jumping in “Les Mortes d’Arthur”) so I’m in damn good company in any case.

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